Men, Mental Health, and the Myth of Self-Reliance

By Savannah Mullis, LCSWA, Therapist and Practice Manager

Have you ever thought of how the word “man” can be used as a noun and a verb?

“Pull yourself together and be a man.”

“Take it like a man.”

“Man up.”

From a societal and linguistic perspective, being “a man” often carries expectations of courage, strength, stoicism, and self-reliance. While these expectations are often framed as signs of strength and dignity, they can also contribute to the neglect of men’s mental health by equating struggle and vulnerability with weakness.

For many men, mental health struggles occur in solitude, creating a number of risk factors, including suicide. In fact according to the CDC, men make up about 80% of suicide deaths and 60% of those men did not have documented mental health conditions. Given the stressors and challenges of life, it is unrealistic and unhelpful to expect anyone to suffer without support. So why do men so often struggle in silence?

Understanding these outcomes requires examining not only men’s mental health challenges, but also how men learn to relate to vulnerability itself.

If someone has repeatedly been dismissed or rejected when expressing vulnerability, insecurity and fear will most likely attach to the experience of expressing vulnerability. Over time, vulnerability can become associated with insecurity, fear, and rejection. When concerns arise, men often resort to solution-oriented skills. For example, if feelings of rejection become attached to our most raw and authentic selves, the natural question becomes: How can I fix that?

Emotions are not problems to be fixed; they are information and signals generated by the brain. Think of it from a physical standpoint, for example sweat. When our bodies produce sweat, we understand that it is information that our body is overheated therefore to regulate its temperature, we produce sweat. There are ways to manage sweating, but it is not something that needs to be “fixed.” We understand that it is a basic function of our bodies and to avoid it would be costly to many enjoyable aspects of life.

Just as sweat tells us our body needs cooling, emotions can tell us when we need support, connection, rest, boundaries, or change. Ignoring those signals does not eliminate them; it often amplifies them.

Vulnerability is not the absence of strength. In many ways, it requires strength. It involves acknowledging difficult emotions, tolerating uncertainty, and risking rejection in pursuit of connection. Over time, many men learn that acceptance is tied to performance, competence, and composure rather than emotional openness. These expectations are reinforced through families, peers, workplaces, media, and cultural traditions.

If emotions are a natural function of the human experience, then maybe the goal is not to “man up” and suppress them, but to learn how to listen and understand them. Strength may not be found in enduring every hardship alone. It may be found in recognizing when support is needed and having the courage to seek it.

That being said, if you’re ready to explore your mental health journey, our team at Evoke Mind and Body is here to support you every step of the way.