Surviving Happily Ever After
Tips for future grooms
Like Indiana Jones running from the temple boulder, with my gilded trophy on my arm, we tripped and staggered and finally rolled down the aisle. It was all an unforgettable adventure, but there are a few traps we can advise you on, so you get out alive.
It’s HER day. That woman drowning in wedding magazines has been thinking about this day for a loooooong time so, be patient about the inundation of information on colors, guests, food, candles, tablecloths. Monogrammed matches? We don’t need no stinking matches! But, trust me, let her have them.
Embrace the ridiculous. Weddings are a predominately emotional event. Logic does have a place when helping your partner plan a wedding, but reason can always be trumped by emotion. For example, other than your bride, most people at your wedding will not remember whether they sat on an expensive chiavari chair or a simple white folding chair (if you don’t know what a chiavari chair is, just ask your bride).
Choose your battles. While you may think that baking your own wedding cake or hand-writing the name cards for 400 guests is ridiculous, don’t tell her. Just grab a mixing bowl or a pen and offer to help. While a good marriage is based on compromise, the same rules don’t always apply to wedding planning.
Manage the anger. She will at some point, through all of the screaming, reiterate the fact that she is frustrated by your lack of interest in [insert anything here]. Take a deep breath and understand that maybe there are outside factors that are getting her wound up. Think of it like this: she has just taken on a second job running a Ringling Brother’s circus. Be kind to each other and if not to each other, just to her; now you’re stuck.
Parental tension. Look, your parents are going to be on edge too. They’re their own people and have gone down this road more times than you, usually. Don’t push families together like they have to become best friends just because you two made this questionable decision. Let them casually blend together. Think about it, they probably know all of the misery that can be generated by two people in love and are laughing behind your back.
Herding cats. Get your groomsmen in ONE LOCATION at ONE SPECIFIC TIME at least TWO hours ahead of time. Tell them to bring their unopened special tuxedo bags intact. There’s a massive “day-of” factor in forgotten merchandise that someone has to go back for or go without. You don’t want this on your mind, so set the plan. Give your gifts and grab a drink. Relax. But, don’t get drunk to alleviate stress. You’ll have to be held up like a wooden dummy and you will go to the grave under that cloud.
EAT. At your wedding reception, make sure you have food for you and your bride. Just have someone put aside some of the better fare and snack a little while signing all the paperwork. This will at least keep you upright through the reception gauntlet.
Bios: Bryan Cournoyer is an actor/newlywed and Michael Polito is a biologist/newlywed. They have the distinct honor of being married to the editors of WILMA.
