Handling The Holidays

Many of us dream of a stress-free holiday season, but never quite make it. This year, two Wilmington therapists give their tips for how to try.

Jennifer Myers, licensed psychologist associate with Carolina Counseling Center:

Recent research from the American Psychological Association shows that women experience a greater increase in stress over the holidays than men, says Myers.

For example, women are twice as likely to do the holiday cooking, shopping, and clean up and become fatigued. Because of that, 44 percent of women, compared to 31 percent of men report added stress. As emotional caregivers, women often try to make holidays happy for everyone.

It’s not reasonable, or even possible, to be responsible for the enjoyment of others around you, says Myers.

See holidays through a different lens. Meaningful experiences are more about having fun together than about how the food was prepared. Order out, take turns visiting families so each has quality time, and respect family members’ situations. Clinging to unrealistic expectations creates stress. Live your family’s holiday by asking yourself, ‘What is meaningful?’

Physical exercise is non-negotiable. Fatigue leaves us cranky, and bad moods are contagious, but so are good ones. Using positive psychology, ask each other at the end of the day, ‘What went well?’

Ask for and accept help and shift the work load whenever possible.

Brooke Batts, licensed marriage and family therapist with the faith-integrated Wilmington CareNet Counseling Center:

Restructure the calendar or events. For those who are unavailable on the holiday due to work, caregiving responsibilities, or other requirements, celebrate on a different date.

One Wilmington family combines Thanksgiving and Christmas to celebrate “Thanksmas.” When family lives elsewhere and travel time is limited, consider volunteer opportunities in homeless shelters, children’s homes, and domestic violence shelters. Helping others is a great way to beat depression and stress.

Protect relationships by maintaining time for dinner, date nights, or just to talk with your partner. Anniversaries (death, divorce, rejection) during the season might cause stress and depression. Be prepared to support each other.

Protect your body, mind, and spirit by eating well, getting enough sleep, and utilizing evidence-based techniques for daily stress management such as: progressive muscle relaxation, meditation or deep breathing, or guided imagery.

Communicate with friends and family members to manage schedules and avoid unrealistic expectations. Couples should coordinate calendars to avoid double commitments. Communicate time limits when invited to visit family so they don’t expect you to hang out all afternoon if you have another family to visit. And be comfortable saying ‘no’ when you feel over-extended.

Establish realistic gift expectations. Know your budget and have a plan. If economics prevent families from providing the same level of giving this year as last, prepare children and others so they can adjust gift and travel expectations. This can be an opportunity to teach budgeting to age-appropriate children.