F’ing Up

Photo by Belinda Keller c/o WNY People Development

Why are we so freaking scared of the F word? I love the F word.

Not the one you’re thinking (although I am from Philly, so I love that one, too). The other F word: failure.

As a woman attempting to balance bad ass executive corporate vibes with social media mom perfectionism, while assuring I get enough rest, exercise, quality time with my spouse, and valuable interactions with friends also trying to “have it all,”  I get why the F word is the bane of our existence. It sends shivers down our spines and has us second-guessing our every move. Yet, the reality is, with this balancing act women face, failure is inevitable. So, why not flip the script and lean into it?  Don’t just fail, fail SPECTACULARLY!

You’ve probably spent a good portion of your life perfecting the art of avoiding failure. We’re conditioned to chase perfection, but what if I told you that embracing failure could actually lead you to greater success?

Years ago, I had a life changing conversation with the president of a company I worked for. I was building out training modules for front-line leaders, and I requested his input on concepts to assure I was in line with the organization’s culture and focus. He ended our discussion with, “Stefanie, I want leaders to fail, because if they failed, it shows they tried.”

BOOM.

Simple, yet brilliant. Too often, we’re so terrified about the F word, we don’t even bother to challenge ourselves or try something new. And what happens if we don’t try? We get stuck, we stimy growth, we don’t change, we miss out on greatness!

Let’s unpack this, shall we? Perfectionism is a sneaky little monster. It creeps in, promising us if we just polish our work to a blinding shine, we’ll be rewarded. But here’s the kicker: Perfectionism often paralyzes us. We become so afraid of doing things wrong that we opt for doing nothing at all. Yes, I said it. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. It happens to all of us, even me, the woman whose company acronym, WNY, literally stands for “why not you!”

Recently I had an opportunity to submit an article to a reputable leadership journal; my fear of failure almost caused me to withdraw from consideration. My son’s response? “Mom, if they reject it, use it for something else. Put it on your website or start another book.” (Sidenote: I have no idea what I did to deserve such an insightful and amazing kid, but man, I am grateful!)

I pushed through and sent my first draft. I got through the first round, and regardless of whether it’s published or not, at least I gave myself a chance to get in the game. I’m proud of that.

How many times have you hesitated to share an idea in a meeting, fearing it wasn’t good enough? How many times have you put off launching an innovative project because you wanted to tweak it just a little more? Spoiler alert: The world is waiting for your brilliance not your perfection!

Let’s reframe failure, shall we?

Instead of viewing it as a dark cloud looming ominously over our heads, let’s see it as a badge of honor. Every time you fail, you’re one step closer to success. Seriously! Failure is like that friend who tells you the truth when no one else will. “Your font is too small on those PowerPoint slides,” or “Maybe don’t wear those shoes with that outfit.”

It’s uncomfortable but necessary. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stumbled in my journey as a business owner. I’ve launched ideas that flopped hard and made decisions that left my bank account looking a little too sparse for comfort, but each misstep taught me invaluable lessons. I learned to pivot, adapt, and flex.

Here’s the thing: Life outside of our comfort zone is where the magic happens. But we’re not just talking about a little discomfort here; let’s get cozy with it. Let’s snuggle up to the idea that mistakes are not the end of the world but rather steppingstones to growth.

When I first started my leadership training business, I was terrified to put myself out there. I’m a lot, and I like pom poms. What if people didn’t get my style? What if decision-makers didn’t take me seriously, and no one hired me? But I did it anyway.

Since then, I’ve spoken at large events, presented tons of leadership workshops, I even started posting LinkedIn videos, trying to raise the vibe with dance and cheer (fun fact – those videos are my most interacted with content and landed me a highly coveted opening conference keynote speaking slot!)

Sure, there were awkward moments – the first time I went live on Instagram was a hot mess (please don’t look that video up), but each experience taught me to laugh at myself and embrace the unpredictability of life.

As women leaders, we have the power to redefine what failure means, not just for ourselves but for those around us. Let’s create culture where taking risks is celebrated, where we can share epic fails without fear of judgment. Imagine a workplace where team members high-five each other for trying something new, even if it didn’t go as planned. Let’s cheer for the screwups and then reflect on and celebrate the learnings. Encourage your colleagues to step outside their comfort zones. Host brainstorming sessions where no idea is a “bad” idea. And remember, vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. In my experience, sharing my “oh no you didn’t”  moments created stronger bonds and inspired someone to try; share your own experiences with failure, and you’ll do the same for those around you.

So, let’s talk resilience. It’s not just about bouncing back from failure; it’s bouncing forward. Each stumble gives us the opportunity to rise, dust ourselves off, and strut with newfound confidence. Our failures become our greatest teachers, shaping us into the leaders we aspire to be.

As we navigate careers, parenting, and interests, let’s give ourselves permission to fail. Be brave, take risks, and get comfortable being uncomfortable. After all, the only true failure is the failure to try. So, the next time you find yourself shying away from the F word, remember failure is a chapter in your success story.

Embrace it, learn from it, and, most importantly, laugh about it!

Here’s to all of us – let’s raise our glasses (or coffee mugs) to failure, our quirky friend who keeps us humble and hungry for growth. Cheers! W

Stefanie Adams is a leadership consultant, keynote speaker, former elected official, WILMA Leadership Institute alum, and author of “CheerLEADERship: Strategies to Build and Support Human Centric Workplaces for the Future.” Adams serves as chief empowerment officer of WNY People Development (wnypeopledevelopment.com).