Self-Respect as the Bridge
By: Juliana Stanfield, LCSW
Therapist at Evoke Mind + Body
Raise your hand if you’re successfully keeping up with all of these things: work, parenting, maintaining relationships, having a social life, housekeeping, budgeting, getting enough sleep, fueling your body, exercising, taking a break once in a while.
No one? Sounds very human of you.
We live in a very hustle-centered culture, which makes it difficult to find balance. In many ways, we’re set up to fail. Rarely will you experience a day where everything gets done, and that might leave you feeling unmotivated, ashamed, behind, or emotionally exhausted. Throw in a little childhood trauma, perfectionistic tendencies, body image concerns, or patterns of feeling like you’re not enough, and you have a recipe for chronically low self-worth.
Feeling “worthy” on tough mental health days is often unrealistic. You might even turn to family or friends for support and hear, “Just love yourself” or “Know your worth.” But it’s not always that easy. So, how do we bridge the gap?
Self-Worth vs. Self-Respect
Self-worth is a feeling. Self-respect is an action.
Self-worth is how valuable you feel on any given day. Self-respect is how you treat yourself, even when you don’t feel valuable.
Self-worth is emotional and internal. Self-respect is behavioral and practical.
Self-worth fluctuates. Self-respect is a foundation.
If you find yourself in a place of self-hatred or self-criticism, self-worth can feel really far away. That may not be a space where you can realistically demand confidence or self-love from yourself. Self-respect is not self-love, confidence, motivation, or productivity. It’s basic care, protection, and dignity.
In therapy, we often explore what it would be like to meet yourself where you are, to be gentle with yourself, or to find the next best step toward your goals without pushing yourself too hard. So, from a point of self-hatred or self-criticism, try defaulting to self-respect. You don’t have to feel worthy to act with self-respect. And oftentimes, self-respect will create conditions where self-worth can grow again.
How to Apply It
Acting in self-respect often sounds like, “I don’t feel valuable or worthy, but I can still treat myself with respect.” and asking yourself, “What would be the most respectful thing to do for myself today?” and meeting yourself there.
It might look like getting out of bed and taking a hot shower, even when you feel heavy and exhausted. Maybe it’s giving your body even just a small amount of nourishment instead of skipping a meal. It could be setting a boundary in a difficult relationship rather than people-pleasing. Maybe it’s catching your negative self-talk in real time and reframing it to something more neutral. It can even look like taking a walk instead of scrolling for another 30 minutes.
Self-respect doesn’t require positivity. It requires protective, supportive, and compassionate choices. When you repeatedly treat yourself with self-respect, especially on the “bad” days, you communicate to your nervous system that you are a safe place for yourself. Your brain begins to form new neural pathways to support seeing yourself as worthy. If you act with respect, you start to believe that you matter (which, by the way, is the truth despite any other noise).
What’s the Bottom Line?
At Evoke Mind and Body, we like to say, “You already have everything within you to lead a life you’re proud of.” You don’t need to feel better about yourself to take better care of yourself. You don’t need to believe you matter in order to act like you matter. You already have everything within you to start acting in self-respect today. And in doing so, you’ll prove to yourself and to others that you deserve nothing but the best.
If you’re having trouble getting started or you’re not really sure where to begin, please know that the team at Evoke Mind and Body is available to help you whenever you are ready to take that first step.
